Skirts.

Ok. I have to say it. The phrase that makes every girl feel insecure and uncomfortable. The question that makes every girl want to quickly run home and slap on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt. That which makes every girl feel as though everything is in slow motion, a question that shoots daggers out of the messenger's mouth and into your heart.  The question that miraculously ruins your seemingly perfect day....

WHAT are you WEARING?!

Don't be the victim. Don't do it. Don't walk out of your door in a skirt that could very well be your underwear. The definition of a "mini skirt" has slowly evolved into "invisible skirt."  Like, how old are you again?

I can see your upper thighs clash against each other. Your skirt is so short and so tight that I can see the lining of your underwear, even if it's just that itty bitty string. I can see it. I can see the bottom outline of your butt. You keep trying to pull your skirt down. Don't even try- it won't mystically become longer than it is.

I just threw up a little in my mouth.

Don't drop a pencil. Don't cross your legs. Don't even sit down. Don't do any of that. Just don't do it. Why? Because everyone and their mothers from the United States to the Phillippines will see what's under there. Nobody has to even try to sneak a peek.

All the boys and creepy old men are getting a free show.  

These "skirts" need to go.  If they aren't too short, they are too tight.  So tight that even if you wanted to "fix a wedgie," you can't even get a grip; you would need to use a pair of pliers. Like, how is this hot? I'm going to say this yet a third time. Girls, if you look "easy" then you probably are. Stop crying. You did it to yourself.

On a side note, as a woman with minimal body fat, I am going to say this once and once only. I have cellulite. Believe me when I tell you; SO DO YOU. I see it, and so does everyone else. THAT'S EMBARASSING. You sit down, It all shows on your outer thighs. You walk around, I see it jiggle like bread pudding. It's not attractive. Ever. It never will be, so don't force the issue.

Take a look at some wonderful trashion styles that I found.  You think this is hot?

You want to wear a skirt? Do it... the right way. Here are some age-appropriate ways you can wear one and still be cute.

See how great this looks? It's classy and you'll find that having class is more attractive and impressive than any other trick in the book. Don't believe me? Take my advice and see for yourself.

Tops.

So as I roam amongst the school walls, students frequently stop me in the hallway to say hi to me, or to ask me a question. This is totally normal. 

You know what's not normal? When the students' boobs pop out and me and try to communicate. In all honestly, my dear, they look pushed up so far that it's almost like they are trying to defy gravity. I don't care what size you are- the problem is that I CAN SEE THEM. That's gross, seriously... I don't want to see that. YOUR SHIRT IS TOO LOW.

When I'm teaching in class, I walk around the room while students are sitting down, looking down at students' work, helping out where necessary. Hey um you know what's nasty? Just to let you know...  I can see right down your shirt! Do you not get it? YOUR SHIRT IS TOO LOW.

And seriously, this is coming from a straight-edge female teacher. What do you think goes through the mind of a male teacher? How awkward is THAT? In many cases, I've had them complain to me about it, and of course I have to be the one saying "go to the dean and call home for another shirt." That's embarassing.

Or believe it or not... there are some teachers that don't say anything because, surprise surprise... THEY LIKE IT. Gross right? It's the truth.

Like hello... your outfit, once again.. is fail. You are wearing a shirt so low that your chest is holding up a sign that says "EASY ACCESS HERE." Like I said before; if you look "easy" then you probably are.

Look down at your shirt. Can you see your 'friends' down there? If you can, so can your neighbor, your classmates... the creepy old men that are virtually everywhere! Don't believe me? Look at someone's eyes when they talk to you.  Ever get that feeling of "Hello!! My eyes are up here!" ?

Well.. you chose to put your 'eyes' down by your boobs. Don't get offended- it was your decision to wear that top, right? Nobody held a gun to your head saying "Wear this trashy shirt or die!" Let's get real. You thought you looked hot before you walked out the door.... and your parents probably didn't even see you (just what you wanted anyway).

Here are some awesome examples of some Trashion Tops. It doesn't matter what size you are, so don't pull that card on me. I hope you're taking notes in the "Don't Wear This" column of your notebook.

Clearly both of these women are two different sizes.  So if you think you can get away with it if you're a size A, then you're deluded. Pair a low top with leggings as pants and you start to look a lot like Lindsay Lohan or the late Anna Nicole Smith. Do you honestly want to look like them? Does anyone? If you still think this style is acceptable, then you might as well go to school looking like this chick:

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Let's look at a few alternatives. Looking good doesn't always constitute sticking out your chest and your butt... that is, of course, if you want people to grab your goods. If you do, stop reading now.

Here are some pictures of some really fashionable tops that look great on anyone, regardless of size.

Get the idea? Look at how beautiful these women are. Are they trying to show off their goods? No! And don't think this post is just for students. You know some of you teachers out there are not innocent.  All of you... clean up your act!

Leggings.

Let me tell you. I love leggings, I do. I wear them when I go to the gym, or when lounging around my house. I wear them out with a cute LONGER top.

Are you an athlete? Track team? Lacrosse? Then I allow you to wear your leggings as you run around the track or on the field. This is acceptable.

Leggings as pants? NO. If you think that showing off your butt, or lack thereof, is attractive, through an annoying skin-tight piece of cloth, then you must be delirious. I don't care how skinny you are or think you are, your junk is jiggling. You are pretty much pasting a sign on your forehead saying "I think I'm hot" when in reality, girl you are not! There are creepy old men looking for amateurs like you walking the hallways or off-campus in your nearly see- through, skin hugging leggings with a shirt that is too short for the outfit. They are waiting to talk to you, to check you out, to see what other kind of tricks you can pull out of your closet.  Believe me when I say this, your leggings are screaming "DESPERATE." Are you that naive? Cover up that butt... we don't care about it. Trust me... as an attractive woman, I am not trying to impress anyone with trashy outfits and neither should you... cuz that's it's just not cute!

On top of all this... don't make me say it... don't make me... You have a "C.T." Yes, I said it. Two nasty words you never want to hear. Reality check. You have one.

Here are some great examples of some Trashion that I found on the web.

Now is this cute? If you say yes, then you must be mental. 

This is seriously how it looks to the rest of the world. Your leggings that you claim to be "thick enough," are not, ever. I have seen a multitude of underwear... bright red thongs, green boyshorts, victoria's secret panties... I can see right through your leggings... and so can those creepy old men. Besides that, look how bad this looks! Don't go strutting your "stuff;" it's just wrong.. you are a minor! Get over it- your male classmates are so hormonal that they would want to "get with" anyone who makes themselves available. If you look "easy" then you probably are. This look, my dear, is "easy."

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Now, if you plan on wearing leggings, you can wear it in other ways.  With a cute long top for instance. You got Toms? Wear em!  They look great with leggings, and very age-appropriate. Flats? Rock em! Remember, you're in school. You can impress all the boys with your intelligence, not with your butt. You want to be respected? Respect yourself, starting with how you dress.  Here are some examples of how to appropriately wear leggings.   

And you know what? Believe it or not, these women look great.

Introduction

Hello to all,

You are probably curious as to what this may be about. Let me tell you what I am about before I get started. I am currently a  young teacher in my 20's that has been working in a public school for a few years now. I am constantly exposed to students and staff day in and day out.  Not only does my job keep me young, but the exposure I have to all these fashion disasters lurking in the hallways makes me cringe. I am not saying that I am the fashion queen... but I have impeccable style. If I were to live another life, I would have been both a fashionista and makeup artist. You can take my word for it- I know what I am saying. Moving forward...

Now listen, I am not just talking about students... oh no... I am also talking about all you teachers and staff members out there that seems to get ready in the dark. I'm not saying that fashion and looking good is the meaning of life, but seriously... are you really wearing brightly colored sky-high pumps to work? Like, aren't you a teacher? Are you about to go to the gym? So why are you wearing a sloppy tshirt? Do you know that your rolls are showing through your top? No but seriously, sorry to hit you hard but.. your top is too small.

As for all you students that think that low-cut tops with your boobs popping out at any creature or object is "sexy," please keep reading my blog for the sake of our sanity. On top of your sinfully ugly outfits, what makes you think that smudging eyeliner all over your eyes is cute? IT'S NOT.


This is a blog to keep you classy and cute. Trashion is OUT. Madonna made her mark in the 80's- KEEP IT THERE.

Here is a reality check for you. You know you want to keep reading.... or maybe you NEED to keep reading....

Yours truly,
Superintendent of the Fashion School

Hop on the Fashion School Bus!